Anticipated stillness

This summer will be the first in a very long time where I will have the luxury of true relaxation.  I am looking forward to it more than I can say.  I have learned over the span of many years to enjoy life’s small pleasures.  Hardship can do that.  Teach you things you didn’t realize you were ignorant of.  So often we are told we need to slow down and enjoy the moment.

What makes up a moment?  Why do some memories stay so vivid while others fade with the passing of time?

There’s a wonderful passage that beautifully illustrates the kinds of memories I’m thinking about:

“Certain moments in one’s life would always be returned to, years, even decades later.  Some of them were painful, heartbreak, mortification, loss – but there were others that held the clarity of cut gems, to sparkle against the velvet drape of memory.  And as the years progressed and unfolded in their relentless march, again and again, the mind would continue to revisit these moments.  You returned to these moments sometimes to ease a current suffering, and sometimes for the simple pleasure of revisiting a past joy, but they were there, and held, and treasured, in the cupped palms of your mind”.

– Zoe Archer, Scoundrel

As I get older, I find I treasure small moments so much more than large ones.  So often big events don’t live up to the expectations that have grown around them.  I’ve found such unexpected pleasure in smaller moments, sitting and writing, on a quiet Sunday morning, with a cup of coffee and solitude, just my thoughts and my writing.

A hospice nurse once told me that as we reach the end of life, our circle of reference shrinks.  Do you love me?  Did I matter?  Perhaps we should ponder those questions now, today.  Communicate the answers to those we love.  So when they reach the end of their life, we may bestow the grace of certainty on them, in that moment and all the moments before.

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