Under the influence

I’ve been thinking lately about the influence others exert over our lives. It’s lovely to think about how with a new partner you experience the heady sensations of love, infatuation, respect, admiration and deep connection. The challenge I’ve been pondering over lately is how we can create internal positivity out of a situation that isn’t so wonderful.

I lived for ten years in a violently physical and emotionally abusive relationship. I lived with fear and anxiety, painfully heightened situational awareness and crushing loneliness from being isolated from my family and friends for a decade.

And yet I carry no ill will or anger towards my ex spouse. I won’t lie, there are moments where I feel the loss of years that I gave to him. At first I felt they were wasted. Which did anger me. But I slowly realized that nothing in life is wasted, experientially, if you take the time to think and feel deeply about the situation and most importantly, learn from it.

I have gained important insight into myself and how I deal with conflict, or more honestly, how I avoided it. I have learned how important kindness is when choosing a romantic partner. I have learned how to apologize for what was mine to apologize for and to let go of the rest.

It has taken another decade to heal from the wreckage of those years. But with time comes some perspective. And I’ve also come to realize that I’m strong, and kind and open to give and receive love. Those are huge wins for me.

I hope to influence others for the better. Through the sharing of my knowledge but perhaps even more importantly, for the sharing of my compassion for those in life’s darkest places.

One response to “Under the influence”

  1. Well said. It is important to realize that for every regrettable/unpleasant/traumatic period in our history, there is always the present during which those events can be put into perspective and, equally importantly, there is a future in which we can flourish in a manner which “says” who we really are. None of this can happen unless our history is understood and accepted for what it was so we can start to move forward. Again … great Post.


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